My Reminiscence

Exams are over. And now i have no excuse to stay awake... meaning i can't talk to him like i do.. or anyone actually. I used to be available to every1 who needed me but i can't be... it's just been the fisrt day after exams and i already got scolded for sleeping late and chattong to someone so late. For "ruining" my life. I can't be there with everyone anymore. I don't have my seperate room. I can't sleep late. I can't use my mobile late.. and i m pretty sure that in today or tomorrow's time mom and didi will give me that 11 pm limit again... and he and i will fight every night again... he won't wanna sleep.. i won't wanna sleep. And when i will force him to and he won't listen, i will just get angry, coz i myself don't wanna go to sleep and being the one who has to be strong and tell him to sleep and then not getting tge support i need, it bcmz difficult. I reallyjust want him happy. Want my family happy. And i don't see ...

Why did i ever meet u? There was nothing so special  abt u. U were just an oedinary guy i didn't even care abt at first. U were a usual frnd who i knew i wud forget as soon as we went our seperate ways. Even when u liked me i didn't.  But u made me feel special and important, the way no one ever has. Why do frndships need to change into something more, destroying eveything that is. We were happy being frnds weren't we? But everything changed. I lost a frnd. And even though i crave for u i always ask myself. Is this really what i want? Do i really want to spend my life pining iver someone who came forcefully inti my lufe and made such a big place in it that i pushed my family away?  I haven't even touched the tips of ur finger or holded ur hand for God's sake and i do crave it. I really do. But sometimes i feel like a moron wasting my life over some guy. What do i want? I don't know. I want him and then i don't. I love my family but i m ready to hurt them ...

There are just so many things i wanna say. But whenever i open this page and try to write everything vanishes. I think my head will explode bcoz it was just a slight headache but the things going on in my jead are making it worse. All my life, i waited for one person. Just one person who wud look at me like i am something.. something special. Something they neveer wants to lose. Something beautiful. Something worth while. And now that i have that one person, idk what next. Idk what to do. How to keep that person and balance all the other things. Everyone just gived me ultimatums. My friends family. They say choose us or choose him. How can i choose bw hom and them. Bw heart and soul. Bw the reason to live and life itself. I know this is wrong. It's like drugs. U know it's wrong. It's injurious and it will kill u, not before it takes away everything from u. But u still do it. Bcoz u can't stop. U don't know how to. M hopeless.

Why do some people come into ur life so suddenly and become a part of it without whom it becomes difficult imagining the world? It becomes hard breathing? Why do they become so important that the people that were there since the beginning of ur life seem less important to u? Sometimes i wish i this wudnt have happened to me. I wish no one wud have ever come to change my life. Bcoz now that i have that extremely important person, i lost the trust of my family. Lost so many things i used to boast of having. Got my new mobile bit lost that freedom. Why is it that the promise i made to myself all those yrs ago, never to make my family cry for any guy, was broken by me when that one person came? Why did i do that? Cried yesterday night in the thought of what furure might hold for me again. I did tell that i slept late and that i wasn't feeling well. Didn't say that i cried or the reason for not feeling well. They are right. Never give anyome ur strings to make u dance the way th...

I really get fed up some times. Sometimes i get this feeling like why should i fight for u? Why shud i fight when u don't even try to understand my condition. u ask me to tell everything to u but when i do, u don't do anything abt it. we tried restricting ourselves but u r not ready to do that. u wanna do something so that my mom doesn't cry. u feel sorry for her tears and consider it ur fault. but what do u do abt it? nothing. and when i tell u to do something u think i m changing. u don't listen to me.  I m really not saying that u r better off than me but come on. If u feel lonely, so do i. If u don't wanna lose me neither do i. if u r fed up of everything so am i. but u don't have to see ur mom crying and sleeping at 3:30 am bcoz she cudnt sleep. u don't have to feel sorry that u hurt ur parents. u just blame ur parents and frnds that they don't care, they don't love u. i can't blame my parents. they have suffered bcoz of me, they have gone ...

This is my first blog. Well not technically. I did try making a blog once but that i did not continue after two posts. So yeah this is my first blog ever. Wish me luck!